Tears in my Chicken

It went as well as it could making the BBQ Bacon Meatloaf last night.  I was so proud because by the time that Papa Bear got home from work shortly after 5pm, dinner was in the oven. I felt so domesticated and mother-like. Only one lifeline was used during the process: Phone-A-Father (mine, that is). WTF does mince mean? I had my guess and my dad agreed that mince could also be described as chop the shit out of.  Thank goodness my garlic lesson came a year or so ago when I was trying to be domesticated.  (The Garlic Lesson:  A garlic clove is NOT the whole garlic, it's just a little nugget off of the garlic.)  Anyway, after I minced my garlic it was time to add/combine all of the ingredients together. Woohoo! I'm making progress!  Time to add the ground (gag) chicken, which comes in a little tube. Challenge: open the tube of chicken. I used a kitchen scissor and was able to cut a little slit, but it wasn't cutting easy, so I thought that little slit would do. You know how they use those little baggie like things at the bakery to fancy decorate a cake? That's pretty much what the chicken looked like coming out of the tube.

I happen to notice that the directions/ingredients say 'ground chicken breast', so I check to see if that's what I'm using, knowing that it's too late if not. I'm using "Lean Ground Chicken." Close enough. Wait...does that say?! "YOUNG CHICKEN" I'm getting a little bit verklempt (no, I'm not Jewish, just like to throw out some yiddish once in a while). Why would they even put that on the label? Why don't they just put "whiny preschooler" or "sassy tween"?! I shed some tears, seriously, but I got through it. Or so I thought. Add the remaining ingredients: Worcestershire (?) sauce, 2 large egg whites - shit, did it say whites or yolks? Oh whatever. Add the egg whites to the mixture with the young chicken. OH MY GOD!?  Could they be related?!?  Another moment of silence, but at least this time I could be reuniting Young Chicken with its Never-Given-A-Chance younger sibling.

Supper wasn't totally healthy, but we are taking baby steps. We had Pillsbury flaky dinner rolls with it. Which turned out to be the best part of dinner, not counting dessert.  I picked the BBQ Bacon Meatloaf recipe for our first night of healthy meals because I knew we would like it. We had it about 1 1/2 years ago when I was pregnant with Grizzly and told I was just on the borderline for gestational diabetes. That's when Papa Bear was the cook. Those were the days!  Anyway, this didn't look or taste like what Papa Bear made. I followed the directions. At first I thought that maybe it didn't taste right to me because of the KitKat's that I snacked on while making my healthy dinner.  Princess Bear wasn't a fan, but she's not a fan of anything we put on her plate.  Then I got a glimpse of Papa Bear trying to swallow it without gagging to spare my feelings. Major fail.  Turns out that when he made it, he used ground TURKEY.  Probably not child turkey, either.  Grizzly Bear, however, was c h o w i n g  a w a y.  She loved it. She was screaming at me because I wasn't dishing it onto her plate fast enough.  (The picture of Grizzly below is of her shoveling the young chicken into her mouth, however, it could also be used to describe the rest of the family's reaction after tasting it.)

Our reward for making it through the healthy dinner without vomiting on the kitchen table was a big ass bowl of ice cream. I was saving my bigass bowl for later on, but wanted to reward Griz with a treat for being such an amazing eater. I dipped into Papa Bear's bowl and was scowled at and warned something like: "Don't be giving Grizzly the last few bites of my ice cream unless you plan on having more ready for her when this is gone in two seconds or unless you are prepared for a Grizzly Attack."  Not heeding to Papa Bear's warning, I continued to steal some of his ice cream to give to the Grizzly.  Sure, she happily ate it. But while she was eating the ice cream, she was still picking young chicken pieces off of her tray and eating them AT THE SAME TIME.  AND, there was no Grizzly Attack when the ice cream stopped coming.

I won't even get into what happened with my emotions when I put the young chicken down the garbage disposal.

Chaos in the Kitchen

I am not a booksmart kinda gal. That doesn't mean that I don't read a book every now and then. I'm reading a 'Love & Logic' parenting book right now (and it actually makes sense). But that's beside the point and for future posts.

I do, however, have a little bit of common sense and a pretty darn good sense of direction. But neither of those apply when it comes to me and the kitchen. I hardly know where my kitchen is. To me, making a meal for my family involves opening a box and following the directions that are provided on the side or back of it.

At five months pregnant with No. 3 (Baby Bear) and with my glucose test coming up in a couple of weeks, celiac disease test results pending, and just a glance at the food we've been consuming I realize that a food makeover is necessary. To many people, this is as simple as making a list, going to the store and making healthier meals that you can think up on your own using your own kitchen creativity.  Let me tell you that NOTHING COULD BE MORE COMPLICATED AND CHALLENGING FOR THIS GIRL! Most people just don't get how one woman could be so insanely stupid when it comes to making food and honestly, I'm not quite sure myself.

So I feel like crap. I'm tired all of the time. I'm overweight and just not healthy. I don't want my kids to grow up with the same bad food habits that I have. I still have the point of view that healthy is not fun, but I won't let my little bears hear me speak like that. I need to make a change for my whole family so that my kids can maybe have a passion for cooking and eating foods that make them well, unlike their mother who has a passion for white bread and Macaroni & Cheese.

PLAN OF ATTACKThe first plan of attack was to remove gluten from the family diet, even before I get the test results to find out if it's even necessary.  After a couple of days thinking about it and trying to plan gluten free eating I decided that was pretty far-fetched.

The second plan was to try clean eating.  Also pretty far-fetched. I need to think more along the lines of baby steps.

The third and current plan is to start with the Biggest Loser Family Cookbook which includes recipes for breakfasts, lunches, snacks, dinners, sides (excellent inclusion for dipshits like myself) and DESSERTS!  As most cookbooks tend to include, this one includes instructions and even some PICTURES!!

So my journey to a healthy mealtime began tonight with BBQ Bacon Meatloaf (chicken). I will post that drama in the morning.